Crazy Diamond Remix | Mindwaves of the Xiren Persuasion

Return to the Wild; Echoes of my rather Charmed Life.

In my charmed life, reflections on December 6, 2014 at 9:19 am

lexpress3:55 am, a stroll in the night rain led me to check-in at L’Express, my overnight spot to write, to caffeinate, to dream impossible dreams, and believe in impossible things – as many as 6, all before breakfast.

Just in time for last call. Un amour d’hiver; un amour de cognac. I love this café because it reminds me of my days in Paris, my breaks in between courses of “rélations internationales” and “Musique et Politique”, ever tangled between the arts and politics. The world is asleep, the café is lit, and I’m luxuriously alone. Well, alone in the company of Thoreau and Lewis.

The three of us frequently join together to dream impossible dreams, and believe in impossible things. Individually, Lewis goes down rabbit-holes, Thoreau adventures into the woods, and I would spend significant amounts of time in solitary by the water or on rooftops all over the world. By water, because it’s closer to mermaids; on rooftops, because it’s closer to the stars.

Into the wild, whatever version of “wild” this meant, to “live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life.” Into the wild, our quests have propelled us. This time, we are returning to the wild with Chris McCandless.

Return to the wild

The story is chilling, haunting, terrifying, beautiful, harsh, inspiring…everything a dreamer of impossible dreams would know, and everything those of us who’ve struggled with turmoil could feel. At some points of our lives, we’ve all went into the woods, and survival is of the fittest. Driven by intrinsic human desire to see if we could not learn what life had to teach, and not, when we came to die, discover that we had not lived.

Live before you die” – Chris shared that drive. Chris also shared a life misunderstood, a life of turmoil, when “by all appearances, they led a charmed life.” This chilled me to the bones. The resonance is multi-layered. Coming from the same voice who said to me, only a week ago, claiming that I, too, live a rather “charmed life“. Same words, same voice, same violence, how deeply misunderstood. I understand Chris at a level that’s too close to comfort, too close to home. The voice doesn’t understand me, didn’t, and probably won’t. Returning to the wild is a return to the violent echoes of my rather charmed life, the lowest points of my sinusoidal life curve, and that’s a gift, as I now have learned. Through turmoil, through my charmed life, I’ve learned to distill zen from chaos. So back into the wild I go.

Sleep isn’t happening much these days, and when it does, happens under the most inconvenient/astonishing circumstances, expanding my depths of experiences, filed under “unbelievable”. The Facts and The Dreams of a Fragile State.

Big dreams attract big people, all I can say is that it’s true.
So go ahead, dream impossible dreams, reach the unreachable star.
Dream in flavours of winterspice, reach for that delicious pain au chocolat.


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